SUPERMAN,

Please Apply

A typical conversation with a prospective groom

Him : What kind of a role are you into at work ?
Me :I am working with an IT company
Him :What are your hobbies ?
Me : I like reading quite a bit, watch a lot of movies...What about you ?
Him : I like opera, paragliding, bungee jumping ( and everything else he assumes makes him look ULTRA COOL !
Me : That's great ! How many times have you bungee-jumped ?
Him : Errrr.. Never, but I plan to soon.
( And now for the BIG ONE !)
Him : DO YOU PARTY ?

Ok, this seems like an everyday ordinary conversation. But, I have never understood why I am always subjected to the " Do You Party " question ?I agree that I don't conform to the usual dress code for a prospective bride-groom meeting preceding an arranged marriage.I am comfortable in my denims and I want the man I marry to know that.But does that make me a "party girl"?

Don't get me wrong here .. I have nothing against people who enjoy partying..Its the stereotype that hurts.Just because I dress a certain way or I take care of the way my make-up does looks, does not mean I am out there every night swigging a Bacardi?
And does it really help that I might say No just to keep you happy and then party every night once we are married !

Try to figure out who I am beyond the clothes I wear..See if you can be someone who'll understand my hopes and dreams, what makes me the person I am, what hurts me and makes me cry, what lights up my day ? Will I be someone you can wake up next to for the rest of your life ? And, I promise you,I'll do the same.

"All I ask of you is to take me as I am..
This may mean you'll have to be a STRONGER man ...."

Beautiful in My Eyes

I found the lyrics to one of my favorite Bon Jovi songs !
Its called UGLY and I abolutely love each line cause it makes so much sense.

There are times when I have wondered if I would be strong enough to end my life.Days when I don't want to get out of bed. But I realize that is not an option.Its not easy getting over a broken heart, a betrayal by a loved one, the end of a cherished dream. But we need to move on...its not easy, memories keep coming back, but a friend once advised me to feel the hurt because it heals and the pain gradually reduces..it may not go away immediately but very slowly ( and surely !) life seems better and the world doesn't seem as ugly as it did a few days, weeks or months back ...

If you're ugly, I'm ugly too
In your eyes the sky's a different blue
If you could see yourself like others do
You'd wish you were as beautiful as you, yeah

And I wish I was a camera sometimes
So I could take your picture with my mind
Put it in a frame for you to see
How beautiful you really are to me

Ugly, ugly
All of us just feel like that some days
Ain't no rainbow in the sky, when you feel U.G.L.Y.
And that's ugly, yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah

Ugly, ugly
All of us just feel like that some days
Ain't no rainbow in the sky, when you feel U.G.L.Y.
And that's ugly, ugly
All of us just feel like that some days
Ain't no cure that you can buy
When you feel U.G.L.Y.
And that's ugly

So if you're ugly, I'm ugly too
If you're a nut, then I must be a screw
If you could see yourself the way I do
You'd wish you were as beautiful as you, yeah
I wish I was as beautiful as you

In Her Shoes

I was watching an Oprah show a few days back where she interviewed a lady who had been with her boyfriend for eight years inspite of him beating her up on a regular basis. Her mother moved in with them and then came a day when the boyfriend in a jealous rage shot the mother dead and blew the lady's face. How she survived is a miracle. Her face will never look the same again and her life is altered forever.

As far as I remember, whenever we ( my friends and I spoke about an abusive relationships) we were actually shocked as to why any woman in the right frame of mind would put up with it. The media is bringing out more cases everyday of celebrities who have stayed in abusive relationships and done nothing about it. Aren't these women who have the power and the money to kick out an abusive partner? Then why don't they ?

Its not as simple as it seems. In most abusive relationships; whether the form is physical or mental, walking out is not easy. Possibly because as women we have a high threshhold of forgiving people especially partners. Its always" He'll change " or " He cares for me " or " He didn't mean it " or " He'll never do it again". What we don't realize is that the first time anyone hits you or speaks in inexcusable language, " He will NOT change ","He MEANT to do it" and " HE WILL DO IT AGAIN ".Its given him a sense of power over another human being. And as you tumble deeper into a deep chasm of despair you gradually lose your ability to fight back.

I am not sure what the best way to handle such a situation would be except to walk out the first time it happens. You cannot be responsible for changing such a person. Leave him before it becomes worse. Walk out,talk to friends,get help, go to a counselor but don't stay.

Anyone who can say " I LOVE YOU " and then use foul language to address you,never really did !
Anyone, who can say " I LOVE YOU " and then mock in you in the company of others, never really did !
Anyone who can say " I Love YOU " and make you lose you self-esteem,your friends and your family, never really did !
Anyone, who can say " I LOVE YOU " and then raise his hand to strike you, NEVER REALLY DID !

From This Day On..!

So, I was out for lunch yesterday with a couple of office friends and the topic that came up was " Would you rather be single and unhappy or married and unhappy ? One of my friends very matter of factly put it as " If its not an abusive relationship , I'd rather be unhappy in a marriage ".

Is it so important for us to be married ?I completely believe in the institution and I want it for myself. My only qualm is why getting married becomes the be-all and end-all of our existence the minute we turn 25 ?Why is it that the entire assortment of aunts and uncles at every marriage function, colony meeting and every other conceivable get-together ask you just the same few questions:

Q. Are you working ?
A.Yes, I am.
Q.How old are you ?
A.27.
Q.( with a slight raising of the eyebrow which can be caught only by the trained eye ) Aren't you MARRIED ?
A.No(Sheepish smile when I actually feel like saying the reason I am not is because I have tiny devil horns that pop-out every night)
Q.OoooooH! But you are such a pretty girl?I am sure you are hiding someone ? ( looking at my mother ) I am sure she has a boyfriend at work !
( Me thinking - Yeah right!- like I would want to hide that !!)

All I am saying is that instead of a rush -rush into something that is so important give us the time to understand who we are, what we want and what makes us happy.What kind of person would make us feel like our lives mean something.Who would I like to share my dreams with ?

So when I say I DO ! I mean it for the rest of my life.

Single-o-Phobia

Its all about being alone ... something most of us are scared of.I know I am.

I also know that I have made many decisions, most of them completely wrong because of this fear.I tell myself this is not correct. After all I am an educated, confident Woman of Today; that I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't make my heart skip a beat, but as you see friends, sisters, brothers, cousins and second cousins etc. find their SPECIAL SOMEONE, you do tend to wonder if all the Mills & Boons you've spent years reading are really true ?

Every once-in-while the thought grabs at you late at night and whispers into your ear and says"I am alone"!

Before you think I am absolutely crazy .. hold on ! I wasn't always like this but I have been through certain experiences in the past few years which have enhanced the fear.I have in the recent past even approved of a potential suitor ( met him through my parents ) because he was the correct height and worked in a good company.

But that kinda struck me cause I was ready to change myself completely and become someone I failed to recognize.The good news is that it didn't go too far, the other good news is that it was the proverbial kick that I needed.

I am still scared of what the future holds but I also know that I like ME too much to become somebody who exists only as a " Mrs. Me-Somebody ".

Life's just started again.. and I plan to enjoy the journey a lot more .....