Saturday, May 13, 2006

In Her Shoes

I was watching an Oprah show a few days back where she interviewed a lady who had been with her boyfriend for eight years inspite of him beating her up on a regular basis. Her mother moved in with them and then came a day when the boyfriend in a jealous rage shot the mother dead and blew the lady's face. How she survived is a miracle. Her face will never look the same again and her life is altered forever.

As far as I remember, whenever we ( my friends and I spoke about an abusive relationships) we were actually shocked as to why any woman in the right frame of mind would put up with it. The media is bringing out more cases everyday of celebrities who have stayed in abusive relationships and done nothing about it. Aren't these women who have the power and the money to kick out an abusive partner? Then why don't they ?

Its not as simple as it seems. In most abusive relationships; whether the form is physical or mental, walking out is not easy. Possibly because as women we have a high threshhold of forgiving people especially partners. Its always" He'll change " or " He cares for me " or " He didn't mean it " or " He'll never do it again". What we don't realize is that the first time anyone hits you or speaks in inexcusable language, " He will NOT change ","He MEANT to do it" and " HE WILL DO IT AGAIN ".Its given him a sense of power over another human being. And as you tumble deeper into a deep chasm of despair you gradually lose your ability to fight back.

I am not sure what the best way to handle such a situation would be except to walk out the first time it happens. You cannot be responsible for changing such a person. Leave him before it becomes worse. Walk out,talk to friends,get help, go to a counselor but don't stay.

Anyone who can say " I LOVE YOU " and then use foul language to address you,never really did !
Anyone, who can say " I LOVE YOU " and then mock in you in the company of others, never really did !
Anyone who can say " I Love YOU " and make you lose you self-esteem,your friends and your family, never really did !
Anyone, who can say " I LOVE YOU " and then raise his hand to strike you, NEVER REALLY DID !


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